Unlocking Self-Motivation (part 1)
Self-motivation is a complex and often unreliable force. It's crucial not to wait for motivation to strike before taking action, simply because self-motivation doesn't always show up when you need it to. Instead, it's better to create a system to prompt action and stop inaction.
Think of motivation not as a prerequisite for action, but as something that follows it. For instance, when you don't feel like running, listen to music that pumps you up, or put your running shoes on and take a few steps. Sometimes, the simple act of starting is enough to get the engine running. Inversely, if you feel like binge-watching TV (and know you have something better to do), have a backup plan of what to do instead that will get you recharged to get back to your responsibilities. By breaking down big tasks into smaller actions, we can help ignite the motivation needed to push through resistance.
Take Sarah, for example. She wanted to write a novel but kept waiting for inspiration to strike. Months passed with nothing written. Finally, she created a simple system: every morning, before checking her phone, she'd open her laptop and write for just ten minutes. No pressure, no expectations. Some days those ten minutes turned into an hour. Other days, she wrote exactly one terrible paragraph. But six months later, she had a complete first draft. The system worked when motivation failed.
Fuel for the Journey: Understanding Purpose
Motivation is like the fuel for a car—crucial for its function, but also finite. Consider fuel, in this case, as having a strong and clear purpose: a "Why." Having something that works like a magnet and pulls you towards your goals makes it a lot easier to overcome temptations and procrastination.
Having a clear idea of what you are working to achieve will make it painfully clear what you are trying to avoid as well. This part can't be overlooked. Having a clear idea of what you want is great, but as a client of mine once told me:
I operate under the condition that I'll always want more tomorrow than I want today. And that today will never be as satisfying as the dreams of tomorrow.
This perspective reveals an important truth about human nature: we're always chasing the next thing. Using this lens to see the world through can help us understand that if we are to work in the pursuit of fulfilling our goals, we need to be very clear about what we want. If we don't, we will also be in the pursuit of the next best shiny thing, never willing to sacrifice ourselves now for a brighter future. Without clarity, we become perpetual seekers, never satisfied, never committed.
We Are Creatures of Habit
At the end of the day, what are we but a bundle of meat, bones, and spirit doing what we believe will get us the most benefit and the least suffering? We are, in some sense, simply creatures of habit. And if you believe this, then by taking control of our habits, we will inevitably change our mode of living. The question isn't whether habits control us—they do—but whether we'll consciously choose which habits to cultivate.
Setting Goals Worth Suffering For
So how do we do that? We start by working backwards from what Noom calls YBP (Your Big Picture).
YBP is broken down into three parts:
Sub-goals: These are tangible and measurable actions you'd like to achieve. Think setting a goal of going to the gym twice a week, sleeping at 10 pm every night, drinking water instead of soda when you're thirsty. It's the simple and mundane actions that you know, if you did consistently, would get you closer to your ultimate goal.
Ultimate goal: This is pretty self-explanatory. It's the result from the culmination of all the little actions you take daily from your sub-goals. It's the destination you're building toward, brick by brick.
Emotional connection: So, you have an idea of what your sub-goals have to be to achieve your ultimate goal. Now what? What comes next is having a deep emotional connection to those goals. And we do that by digging deep into ourselves to understand why we want to achieve them. Without this emotional anchor, your goals remain intellectual exercises rather than lived commitments.
Consider Marcus, a corporate lawyer who wanted to lose fifty pounds. His first attempt failed because his "why" was shallow: he thought he should lose weight. When he dug deeper, he discovered his real why: he wanted to play on the floor with his daughter without getting winded, to be present and energetic for her childhood, to model healthy habits so she'd never struggle with weight like he had. That emotional truth changed everything. Suddenly, skipping the office donuts wasn't a sacrifice—it was a choice made out of love.
Finding Your Why: A Practical Exercise
Before you can build a system that works, you need to understand what you're building it for. Here's how to uncover your true purpose:
Step 1: Identify Your Ultimate Goal Write down what you want to achieve. Be specific. Not "get healthier" but "lose 30 pounds and run a 5K without stopping."
Step 2: Ask yourself Why as many times as you need
Let’s take the example from above. Marcus initial goal was simply to lose 50lbs, but after he dug deeper, he understood is was to model healthy habits for his daughter. But how did he get there? Here’s how. He started by asking himself why he wanted to lose 50lbs and asked why again each time.
Why do I want to lose 50lbs? ANSWER: To feel good about myself.
Why do I want to feel good about myself? ANSWER: Because I don’t like how I can’t play with my kids
Why is important to play with my kids? ANSWER: I want them to have good memories and see me as a positive role model
Why do you want to be a positive role model to your kids? ANSWER: So they never have to struggle with weight issues like I am.
Why don’t you want them to struggle with weight? ANSWER: So they can enjoy life to the fullest with their kids, be present and an energetic parent for them.
As you can see, this is a deep, emotional truth that will drive Marcus to choose wisely when temptation arises or procrastinate knocks.
Step 3: Identify What You're Avoiding Now flip it. What happens if you don't achieve this goal? What does your life look like in five years if nothing changes? Be honest and specific. Sometimes, the fear of what we're running from is as powerful as the vision of what we're running toward.
Step 4: Create Your Sub-Goals List 3-5 specific, measurable habits that will move you toward your ultimate goal. Make them small enough that you can do them even on your worst days.
Use your heart & brain
In part two, we will go into more detail the strategies and techniques needed to truly dial in action steps that will turn your goals into reality. But for now, keep reflecting on what it is you want, what you are willing to sacrifice to get it, and what it would mean to not achieve those goals.
Until next time.